I'm just going to say something about those toxic posts, you know those ones on social media about cutting your ties with negative/toxic people? I know that those are supposed to be positive, maybe even empowering posts. I'm not trying to shame any of the people who share those, but I would like to point out something about them-maybe, just maybe those posts are toxic.
It would be nice if we lived in a neat little world where we could just surgically snip out of our lives anything that is negative or that we find hard to deal with. That however is not reality! There is this little thing called obligation. The definition of obligation is an act or course of action to which a person is morally or legally bound; a duty or commitment. Part of the trouble in our society today is that people don't want to be bothered by obligation, it can be such an unpleasant thing that forces us to put another person before ourselves.
Reality is that there are many people who have negative people in their lives. In fact, most of us do because there is a lot of negativity in this world. We may have a negative coworker that we deal with at work, we can get a break from them when we go home or even switch jobs. Sometimes there are fixes for the negative people we deal with. Other times there are not, in a real world.
Maybe those types of posts are toxic to a parent that has a child that suffers from some form of mental illness. Like my own mother for instance, thank goodness she doesn't even own a computer nor have any interest what so ever in social media. She gave birth to a son who with the passing of time became severely mentally ill. My brother's condition makes him hard to be around and he could definitely be classified as negative and toxic. There have been those who have suggested my Mom should kick him out and let him fend for himself because she doesn't need that kind of negativity or burden. But you see, my Mom understands about that little word obligation. It isn't her fault her child is mentally ill, nor is it his and beyond the fact that she loves him she feels obligated to take care of him because she knows that if she cut him out of her life he would wind up homeless and more than likely dead because he cannot care for himself. She is committed to helping him navigate life till she is unable and has stated often that she will not pass that commitment on until that time because of the strain she feels it would put on her other children's families. When that day does come we will find a way to take up that obligation and carry on because he is our brother.
Maybe those posts are toxic to the parents that are trying to raise a child or children that have been through unimaginable trauma. Children of trauma often develop RAD, which is an extremely hard condition to deal with that brings with it plenty of negativity. Those on the outside looking in who aren't directly dealing with the situation often find fault with these parents. They don't see all the struggle and sweat and tears that go in to trying to raise a child that has experienced trauma and bring them to place of wellness. Unfortunately, many children of trauma become master manipulators and are able to seem as model children when they are in the presence of others that are not close to them. People start to see the parents as unfair or unreasonable. They have no idea of the pain and hellishness these parents are going through. Some days, it probably feels to them like it would be easier to just give up, but they keep trying because of love and obligation.
Maybe those posts are toxic to a spouse who finds themselves married to someone who is negative and who struggles to be happy. Maybe that spouse is a person who believes that they stood before God and took vows, not only to their spouse but to God also, to keep those vows and so don't believe in divorce. (Talk about a course of action that one is morally and legally bound to, you can't get more obligation than marriage.) Maybe they have tried everything they can think of short of walking away to live with and love their spouse and daily try to be positive. They don't need to hear about cutting negative people out of their life because it isn't an option and just makes the struggle to stay positive harder.
The people who those posts are probably the most toxic to are the people who have mental illness and struggle the most with negativity. Many people who struggle with mental illness seek escape from their own thoughts and negative feelings by mindlessly scrolling through Facebook, watching YouTube or movies, etc.. These people are the ones that struggle with feelings of isolation and unfortunately often unknowingly create isolation in their lives. Those feelings of isolation and loneliness bring with them the feeling that nobody wants them around and people would be better off without them. They see posts like those and it affirms what they are already feeling. They know better than anyone that they struggle with negativity and that there isn't some quick fix. These posts don't help with the stigmas surrounding mental illness and certainly don't help those struggling with it feel like they can speak up about their struggles.
There are some people out there who simply delight in negativity and actively seek it out. A good example of that and good place to start cutting negative people out of ones life, is the media. They are constantly looking for the most negative aspect of any situation and the most dirt they can find on people. Want to truly cut negativity from your life? Don't follow the news and don't share their posts. I know it is good to be informed but there are other ways to do so, besides you have to do some digging with anything you hear from them to get to the real truth anyway.
It would be nice to see more posts of encouragement that suggest coping skills. That say you got this! Not to take it personally if you have a negative person in your life, because it is hardly ever really about you. To the people who struggle with negativity and mental anguish, that there are people out there who don't want to cut you out of their lives and do have your back and are praying that you will make it to a place of joy so that you can REALLY feel and enjoy all that life has to offer. . . .because they want to share those moments with YOU!!
It would be nice if we lived in a neat little world where we could just surgically snip out of our lives anything that is negative or that we find hard to deal with. That however is not reality! There is this little thing called obligation. The definition of obligation is an act or course of action to which a person is morally or legally bound; a duty or commitment. Part of the trouble in our society today is that people don't want to be bothered by obligation, it can be such an unpleasant thing that forces us to put another person before ourselves.
Reality is that there are many people who have negative people in their lives. In fact, most of us do because there is a lot of negativity in this world. We may have a negative coworker that we deal with at work, we can get a break from them when we go home or even switch jobs. Sometimes there are fixes for the negative people we deal with. Other times there are not, in a real world.
Maybe those types of posts are toxic to a parent that has a child that suffers from some form of mental illness. Like my own mother for instance, thank goodness she doesn't even own a computer nor have any interest what so ever in social media. She gave birth to a son who with the passing of time became severely mentally ill. My brother's condition makes him hard to be around and he could definitely be classified as negative and toxic. There have been those who have suggested my Mom should kick him out and let him fend for himself because she doesn't need that kind of negativity or burden. But you see, my Mom understands about that little word obligation. It isn't her fault her child is mentally ill, nor is it his and beyond the fact that she loves him she feels obligated to take care of him because she knows that if she cut him out of her life he would wind up homeless and more than likely dead because he cannot care for himself. She is committed to helping him navigate life till she is unable and has stated often that she will not pass that commitment on until that time because of the strain she feels it would put on her other children's families. When that day does come we will find a way to take up that obligation and carry on because he is our brother.
Maybe those posts are toxic to the parents that are trying to raise a child or children that have been through unimaginable trauma. Children of trauma often develop RAD, which is an extremely hard condition to deal with that brings with it plenty of negativity. Those on the outside looking in who aren't directly dealing with the situation often find fault with these parents. They don't see all the struggle and sweat and tears that go in to trying to raise a child that has experienced trauma and bring them to place of wellness. Unfortunately, many children of trauma become master manipulators and are able to seem as model children when they are in the presence of others that are not close to them. People start to see the parents as unfair or unreasonable. They have no idea of the pain and hellishness these parents are going through. Some days, it probably feels to them like it would be easier to just give up, but they keep trying because of love and obligation.
Maybe those posts are toxic to a spouse who finds themselves married to someone who is negative and who struggles to be happy. Maybe that spouse is a person who believes that they stood before God and took vows, not only to their spouse but to God also, to keep those vows and so don't believe in divorce. (Talk about a course of action that one is morally and legally bound to, you can't get more obligation than marriage.) Maybe they have tried everything they can think of short of walking away to live with and love their spouse and daily try to be positive. They don't need to hear about cutting negative people out of their life because it isn't an option and just makes the struggle to stay positive harder.
The people who those posts are probably the most toxic to are the people who have mental illness and struggle the most with negativity. Many people who struggle with mental illness seek escape from their own thoughts and negative feelings by mindlessly scrolling through Facebook, watching YouTube or movies, etc.. These people are the ones that struggle with feelings of isolation and unfortunately often unknowingly create isolation in their lives. Those feelings of isolation and loneliness bring with them the feeling that nobody wants them around and people would be better off without them. They see posts like those and it affirms what they are already feeling. They know better than anyone that they struggle with negativity and that there isn't some quick fix. These posts don't help with the stigmas surrounding mental illness and certainly don't help those struggling with it feel like they can speak up about their struggles.
There are some people out there who simply delight in negativity and actively seek it out. A good example of that and good place to start cutting negative people out of ones life, is the media. They are constantly looking for the most negative aspect of any situation and the most dirt they can find on people. Want to truly cut negativity from your life? Don't follow the news and don't share their posts. I know it is good to be informed but there are other ways to do so, besides you have to do some digging with anything you hear from them to get to the real truth anyway.
It would be nice to see more posts of encouragement that suggest coping skills. That say you got this! Not to take it personally if you have a negative person in your life, because it is hardly ever really about you. To the people who struggle with negativity and mental anguish, that there are people out there who don't want to cut you out of their lives and do have your back and are praying that you will make it to a place of joy so that you can REALLY feel and enjoy all that life has to offer. . . .because they want to share those moments with YOU!!
Thank you for caring about those of us who have struggled ALL OUR LIFE! Our biggest goal in life is to simply be happy, to think positive, to love and be loved!! We do need the support of those that feel and enjoy what we can't!!
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